Portrait of the...

[rinnia]

I miss Slinky.

CDS is utter and complete bull. This last set made very little sense, and all of it was concentrated in problem one, leaving me with three other problems of unadulterated madness. Damnit.

Why oh why does Epalle think I want to do a third draft? I barely want to do a second one.

I love you, Memoirs. You keep me sane.

Everytime I update my fanlistings, my urge to learn PHP grows. Spring break - definitely learning over spring break. Then? Scripting galore.

Why does everything cost so much money? Volume of Death Note - $8. Jewelry at Target - $12. Twilight Princess for Wii - $50. It consumes me. I look at the things I want but just can't afford, and I wonder why I want them so badly. It's like they distract me from how unhappy I am with school at the moment.

Next term will be awesome. I have to take a PS or Ec class, so Jaime and I both enrolled in a PS/Ec one that you can take Pass/Fail. Then, I have IST004 (should be interesting), EE5 (precursor to EE51, so I should be able to handle it. Plus, Jaime, Jon, and Steve are all in there as well), Creative Writing (with Carol, who taught Memoirs. Yay!), yoga (for the stretchy, spiritual win!), silk-screening (if the registrar will let Jaime and me take it again for credit. If not, we'll just audit or whatever), and either cooking with Mannion or drawing/painting with Jim, depending on how the lottery for cooking works out. Either way, I'm a pretty happy camper - it's just about whether Jaime will be in the course with me or not.

I still miss Slinky.

I have to go get lunch now and pick up my E11 paper, so I can do "revisions" because I'm a crappy writer. Or, I just don't care about the class and have to much to think about to put effort into a 10 page paper for a THREE UNIT CLASS. Which do you think it is, Epalle? And how about you, viewers?

Fuck all this. I want my baby snake back, and I want to sleep until next term. Why can't I?

Comments

[petuniamarcus.livejournal.com]

ah, sweetie - hang in there lovey! i know that things seem really upsetting right now - but trust your old mom when she says that it will get better. everything is just a passing phase - i am sorry and my heart breaks for your loss of slinky. but i feel joy when i think of how much you love the little guy - being able to love is a gift my precious little one - but with it comes the pain of loss. you aren't able to experience one without the other. believe me - i know.

remember that having to do revisions when you don't think they are necessary is just that - a necessary evil. and a purely temporary one. you have great inner strength and will be able to handle all of the bull---- that comes with earning your degree. you KNOW you are not a crappy writer - but the demands of the teacher are just that - and for now you must go along.

i know what it is like to want back something you love - i truly do - and if i could give it to you my dear, i would. the moon, and the sun, and the stars - you know that.

be content with the love you have, the love you receive, and those who have gone before you.

love you!
momie

[(Anonymous)]

hi alex. This life of science will lead you to unhappiness. You don't want to be an engineer and you know it. Just think how happy you could have been had you gone somewhere with a writing program. Just imagine how many e11 papers you wouldn't have to write. The only solace I find in this place is the fact that any other school would probably be twice as annoying as everyone there would be twice as stupid as everyone here. At least you are almost done and you can put it behind you. You can get far away from it and start the life you really want.
-k.s.

response to ks from the one who knows her best

[petuniamarcus.livejournal.com]

this is to ks - i don't know who you are - but i do know my little girl. she has wanted to be an engineer her entire life - since she could walk she has been taking things apart and putting them back together. i have watched her passion grow and take bloom all her life. she is tired of school and stressed with the loss of her beloved pet - but to give up on her dream is not in her. i have always told my girl to follow her heart and her dreams - i have always told her she could do and be anything (which i completely believe) she has never, ever, ever, once in her life strayed from her childhood love of all things mechanical. i totally support her writing and feel she has room in her life for both. i believe that she will find the balance of science and creativity that will fulfill her life. to state that her happiness is dependent on her "going somewhere with a writing program" is just not the truth. you did not see her eyes, her face, her joy as she discovered her passion and talent for science. she would entertain her grandmother with stories of all she would build and create with her amazing mind and imagination. as i have told her - school is just a stepping stone to where she wants to be - but to encourage her to give up is just.....wrong. she is not like that - let me tell you from experience - alex gets her heart and mind set and follows through. through good times and bad. she is the most amazing person i have even known, and i feel overwhelmingly blessed that she is my daughter. she is even stronger than she realizes.

please understand - that if she came to me tomorrow and said she wanted to do something else - i would support her totally - but i would hope that the decision was made in thoughtfullness and of her true desires - not just to "put it behind her" and give up when it seems to hard. to just give up would haunt her for her adult life - this i know - she is harder on herself than anyone else could ever be.

i believe that she needs to take a deep breath - have a long heart to heart with her grandma (who i know is always with her) - give jaime a hug - and do what her heart tells her to do. she has always been the best kind of person and she always will be.

sorry to sound preachy - but you sound so negative - and it just doesn't apply to alex (in the real world - which college is not)

alex - forgive me for being a pain - but you know how i am (how you are as well!) i'll call you later -

love ya-

momie