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Life is weird.
Starting serious and moving into dorkitude - skip the first part to avoid some medical chatter and my mental woes.
My anxiety's been pretty much through the roof lately. I've even taken a few Xanax for attacks, something I've previously been hesitant to do. I've come to the conclusion that it's not worth it to make myself suffer for some perverse sense of pride at not taking the medication I've been prescribed. I'm also rather proud of myself for making it past 7pm today with no attacks. That time had been my wall for a while; no matter how well I was doing before that, by 7pm, I had sunk at least once to a completely useless state. That's not to say I've been great today. I haven't. Heck, even writing this about the anxiety is making it flare up a little. But I'm doing better.
It all boils down to distractions. Since June of last year, I've been consumed. Appointments, medications, symptoms, dozens upon dozens of things to watch out for, to monitor, to eat away at my time and my brain. As the chemo was winding down, the headaches reared up, and as soon as those were under control, there was the UF visit to gear up for. Now it's done. I have a moment to breathe. Unfortunately, for me, this is a bad thing. Left to my own devices, I obsess, and since the anxiety manifests physical symptoms, I obsess about them, about my health. It's a tiring cycle. I could go into it more, but I doubt it would do anything but allow me to wallow when I should be walking. Suffice to say, I can recognize where in the course I am, and this is the part where I get better and leave this behind, at least for a little while. I'm moving on.
Let's move on.
I slept on my back weird last night, but Mary has an awesome vibrating heating pad that I've been using off and on all day that seems to help quite a bit. Plus, it keeps me cozy warm while gaming. Persona 4 is just as good in the replay, if not better. I still ADORE Yosuke(my explanation for his homophobia, let me show it to you), and I've got no shortage of fondness for all the rest. The only main I'm kind of "eh" on is Naoto, which I find amusing, since the rest of fandom seems completely enamored with... that character. Okay, screw it, I'm going to talk about Naoto, so there will be a spoiler. A very, very obvious spoiler that I can't believe anyone could observe the character and not know, but a spoiler nonetheless. Stop reading here if you're really concerned about it.
... As I was saying, everyone else is heads over heels for her. I don't hate her. I don't even dislike her. I like her, even. It's just that I was expecting her to be fuckwin AMAZING given all the love she gets from fandom, and she's great, but she's not that great. She is good for shipping, though. I'm an odd mix of strict and free when it comes to P4 pairings. Souji/Yosuke is a must in my book, as is Chie/Yukiko. Out of the other four mains, though, I tend to prefer Kanji/Teddie and Rise/Naoto, but I'm good with any combination of the four. It's weird (and I even drew a comic about this that I'll upload at some later point); I went in to P4 expecting to manwhore it up all over town, just like I did in P3, but... I can't do it. I want Souji to be faithful to his boyfriend Yosuke, and that's it. Jaime grumbles at me every time I rebuff Rise's advances (he'd be all over that, and probably Naoto too, but not Yukiko - she annoys him). I can't bring myself to hit on any of the girls. My Souji is gay (or at least more on the gay side of the scale), monogamous, and pining for his best bud. That's just how it is.
Speaking of gay, tell me you guys are watching RuPaul's Drag Race. It's RIDICULOUSLY awesome. You can watch full episodes of it here, or catch it Mondays on Logo and Tuesdays on VH1. I started watching it because Tom and Lorenzo's preview made it sound fabulous beyond compare, and boy, is it ever. My running favorites have been Shannel (who's slipped some from the initial high she hit with me), Ongina (who grew to be my #1), and Nina (who's held steady in my love). Without getting too spoilery, let me say that this week's episode DESTROYED me. Seriously, go watch the episodes in order, and after you're all caught up, come back here. I'll be waiting in the comments, ready to cry with you. I wasn't expecting to get invested in a reality show about drag queens, of all things, but I am. There it is. Now join me in my pit down here so I have company to chatter with, damnit!
P.S. A slash pairing being confirmed in a webcomic actually made me unhappy. Never thought that would happen.
My anxiety's been pretty much through the roof lately. I've even taken a few Xanax for attacks, something I've previously been hesitant to do. I've come to the conclusion that it's not worth it to make myself suffer for some perverse sense of pride at not taking the medication I've been prescribed. I'm also rather proud of myself for making it past 7pm today with no attacks. That time had been my wall for a while; no matter how well I was doing before that, by 7pm, I had sunk at least once to a completely useless state. That's not to say I've been great today. I haven't. Heck, even writing this about the anxiety is making it flare up a little. But I'm doing better.
It all boils down to distractions. Since June of last year, I've been consumed. Appointments, medications, symptoms, dozens upon dozens of things to watch out for, to monitor, to eat away at my time and my brain. As the chemo was winding down, the headaches reared up, and as soon as those were under control, there was the UF visit to gear up for. Now it's done. I have a moment to breathe. Unfortunately, for me, this is a bad thing. Left to my own devices, I obsess, and since the anxiety manifests physical symptoms, I obsess about them, about my health. It's a tiring cycle. I could go into it more, but I doubt it would do anything but allow me to wallow when I should be walking. Suffice to say, I can recognize where in the course I am, and this is the part where I get better and leave this behind, at least for a little while. I'm moving on.
Let's move on.
I slept on my back weird last night, but Mary has an awesome vibrating heating pad that I've been using off and on all day that seems to help quite a bit. Plus, it keeps me cozy warm while gaming. Persona 4 is just as good in the replay, if not better. I still ADORE Yosuke
... As I was saying, everyone else is heads over heels for her. I don't hate her. I don't even dislike her. I like her, even. It's just that I was expecting her to be fuckwin AMAZING given all the love she gets from fandom, and she's great, but she's not that great. She is good for shipping, though. I'm an odd mix of strict and free when it comes to P4 pairings. Souji/Yosuke is a must in my book, as is Chie/Yukiko. Out of the other four mains, though, I tend to prefer Kanji/Teddie and Rise/Naoto, but I'm good with any combination of the four. It's weird (and I even drew a comic about this that I'll upload at some later point); I went in to P4 expecting to manwhore it up all over town, just like I did in P3, but... I can't do it. I want Souji to be faithful to his boyfriend Yosuke, and that's it. Jaime grumbles at me every time I rebuff Rise's advances (he'd be all over that, and probably Naoto too, but not Yukiko - she annoys him). I can't bring myself to hit on any of the girls. My Souji is gay (or at least more on the gay side of the scale), monogamous, and pining for his best bud. That's just how it is.
Speaking of gay, tell me you guys are watching RuPaul's Drag Race. It's RIDICULOUSLY awesome. You can watch full episodes of it here, or catch it Mondays on Logo and Tuesdays on VH1. I started watching it because Tom and Lorenzo's preview made it sound fabulous beyond compare, and boy, is it ever. My running favorites have been Shannel (who's slipped some from the initial high she hit with me), Ongina (who grew to be my #1), and Nina (who's held steady in my love). Without getting too spoilery, let me say that this week's episode DESTROYED me. Seriously, go watch the episodes in order, and after you're all caught up, come back here. I'll be waiting in the comments, ready to cry with you. I wasn't expecting to get invested in a reality show about drag queens, of all things, but I am. There it is. Now join me in my pit down here so I have company to chatter with, damnit!
P.S. A slash pairing being confirmed in a webcomic actually made me unhappy. Never thought that would happen.
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