inquiry and bloodlust

- Tried embroidering four different mouths onto the doll I'm crocheting and couldn't get any of them to turn out right. When I was pulling out the last one, I accidentally screwed up her nose. So, I had to pull that out too. Tried to redo it, but I couldn't get that to turn out either. She's still noseless and mouthless.

- Attempted for the third time to make a pendant with tags from NHL merch. This one was perfect except for the giant fucking bubble under the epoxy. I practiced specifically to avoid that, and it somehow still happened. That was my last tag, too. So. I don't know what to do there. Wait until I have the excess cash to buy another shirt, I guess.

- Attempted to make a TWEWY pin bracelet, but the glue I used bled into the decals and blurred/washed out the ink. Managed to salvage the bezel base, but I had to throw out all the decals and epoxy stickers.

- Had a panic attack. A really nasty one, too. I haven't had an attack in months. It was triggered by the stupidest thing - I had Lucky Charms for breakfast, and the combination of the sugar crash from that and a couple sips of coffee made me jittery. The jitters, in turn, convinced my brain I was dying. Racing heart, tingling extremities, heat flashes, derealization, the whole shebang. It was awful. I ended up wasting three hours in bed after it was over, just half-napping and trying to feel normal again.

- And now my phone is reminding me that I need three different meds every night just to reach "alive" every morning. Feeling pretty useless. I've been nauseous since last night, too, and I still feel mildly tingly and unsettled from earlier. Ugh. Today.

On the plus side, when I started crying, Benny was at my side in seconds. Dogs are pretty awesome.

#1: I has a happy.
#2: I has a sad.
#3: ( I has cute pups. )
#4: ( I has been productive. )
Also, I saw and loved Cabin in the Woods, and I'm Team Sharon the house down!

1am: Died in P3P mere steps away from a teleporter to safety. Lost 1.5 hours of playtime.
9:30am: Called about more birth control pill refills, which I need to avoid becoming dangerously anemic. Have to come in for an appointment to get them - last time I went to the women's health center, the doctor asked me if I get fast food a lot and when I said my boyfriend cooks, she said, "Tell him he's killing you." Not looking forward to going back there.
10:45am: Went to class, which turned out to be a game show style review for the final. Knew only one of six answers, because I haven't studied yet and my memory is shit. Felt like an idiot.
12pm: Met with the professor about a past homework. Turns out the question about the stuff I missed while I was having a mental meltdown I botched completely. Have to redo it to pull that assignment from a C to a B. Felt even more like an idiot.
1pm: Called about more sertraline refills. Have to come in for an appointment to get those as well, in this case a mental health check-up where a non-mental health doctor makes me answer questions about my brain stuff.
2pm: Panic attack while walking into Target (to get pills for my dog who - guess what? - also has panic attacks).
6:30pm: Attempted to do the dishes. Ended up curled up on the couch with cramps.

Current Mood: Is it January yet?

I've been rewatching Buffy with Jaime - his first time through the series - and we just finished The Gift. And god, it still makes me cry. I've watched it dozens of times (because even though it guts me, I adore it), and without fail, I cry. Every. Time.

Anyone else have something like that? Some episode or movie or song that can always manage to rip your heart out, even though you know exactly what you're in for?

I think my record holder is Romeo+Juliet, which I was obsessed with during middle school. I watched it 29 times before I made it through the end without crying. Seriously; I counted.

I'm stuck in my code for work. I can't figure it out. Neither can my advisor.

My step-sister is out of detox and living with her mom until a bed opens up in rehab. Her mom who told her if she breaks any of the rules now she'll have her dog put down. Supportive, no?

My mom has been on pain pills to cope with a degenerative disorder for years. Turns out she doesn't have that disorder after all - MRI revealed she has spinal stenosis, bad enough that it's pressing on her actual spinal cord and causing her nerve problems. She needs surgery to widen her spinal column and they'll have to fuse some vertebrae.

Ugh.

But! Upsides! Stuck on code means no work for the moment; so far, Hannah's going along with the plan to get her into rehab; after the surgery, my mom should be able to come off the pain pills and start regaining normal use of her hands again. Plus, the support on here and the response to my artsy junk picked me up, and I got The Nicest Comment Ever™ on one of my P4 fics from a writer I really respect. And my short haircut turned out awesome - pics later. And playing Catherine is super ridiculously fun. So... silver linings? Yay?

Haha, I am so tired. Maybe lunch will wake me.

This week's headlines in the world of Alex: Pixar proves it can do worse than Cars 2, San Francisco comes up with the second stupidest idea ever, Capcom comes up with THE stupidest idea ever, Michele Bachmann makes me laugh, and Johnny Knoxville makes me cry.

Continuing from that last point, I noticed ( something eerie in Jackass 2.5 ). To counter that and cheer us up a bit, let's have ( a variety of random pictures I've taken semi-recently ).

Oh, and this is my new ringtone. It makes me ridiculously happy. Of course, my previous one was also too cool for me, so. Good stuff.

My mood has been so up and down in the past two days. Jeez. I only want to mention one bit of the sad - RIP Ryan Dunn - and then focus on the happy, because damnit! Happy!

- I discovered an amazing blog over the weekend: Wave at the Bus. The 170 days are magical.

- Discovered another amazing blog as well: Mich L. in L.A.. I've already ordered one of her pieces, made my own versions of another (which I will post pictures of once I'm not sleepwalking through the day), and have plans to tackle yet one more. Good, good crafty blog.

- It wasn't enough that Nendoroid Snow Miku exists for me to pine after. No, they had to announce a Pullip version of her as well. Damn you, world!

- Any of you guys play Rockstar games? I'm eh on GTA but in love with L.A. Noire, and I'm wondering if Red Dead Redemption would be worth the investment.

- I'm torn between three different stories for my originalbigbang, all surreal, but in very different ways. Do I go with the humor, the horror, or the in-between?

Okay, backing up a bit to the sad. We're marathoning the Jackass movies. The golf cart sketch in the first one got a little uncomfortable, and I choked up during the butt x-ray, of all things, but still. We're on the second film, and I'm on my second beer. It only seems appropriate. To you, Mr. Dunn. You were right; it is cacti.

Madeline and Caroline - I have a scarf and shot glasses for you, respectively. E-mail or PM me shipping addresses, please?

Anyone else whose name ends with "line"? I'm sure I can figure out something to make for you.

As a side note, anyone have any advice for a girl who isn't on disability but feels like maybe she should be? A... uh... friend of mine... has a job that she's struggling just to show up for and she's not sure what to do. She has a long history of anxiety, depression, and PTSD, and she thinks she's in the middle of a major depressive episode, including having issues falling asleep before 4am but also randomly shutting down, just completely crashing, and sleeping during the middle of the day. She really doesn't want to work anymore; she wants to focus on not feeling so goddamn horrible all the time. But she needs the money. What do, flist. What do.

Oh my god, you guys, RuPaul's Drag Race is back! I kind of had a super-early favorite going into it, and now that I've seen the first episode? ( Spoilers for said episode! )

Mmm, and the stubbly new pit crew member? Mmmmm. Approved.

Not approved, however, is this (HORRIFICALLY SPOILERY FOR FFXIII) FFXIII-2 trailer. The fact that there's going to be a sequel at all pisses me off, as XIII was a complete story. It didn't need elaboration. It especially didn't need elaboration in this particular form. One of the things I loved about the first game was the delicate balance it struck between celebrating and deconstructing RPG conventions. This trailer portrays the sequel as some very... standard anime/JRPG woman warrior thing. I don't know. There's no guarantee that the game won't be fantastic (though I'm doubtful since, as I said before, XIII was a complete story in and of itself), but the way they're choosing to introduce it makes me uncomfortable. Why you do this to me, Squenix?

I've been boosting my wardrobe pretty heavily lately, including many additions from Threadless, the most recent of which arrived today along with this sticker sheet:

I couldn't find this particular set scanned anywhere and I figured someone else might be interested in seeing it. For the curious, the shirts referenced are, left to right, bottom to top: Case Study #48: Bunny Family Anomalies, God Hates Techno, Cookie Loves Milk (which I own :D), Funkalicious, Runnin' Rhino, and Peace.

Now if I can just get to a Zara and manage to find this Kurt hat, I may explode with style-y happiness!

Busy busy busy day tomorrow. Throat hurts. Can't sleep.

... Have an Adventure Time icon?