I should know better, I really should.

I decided to check out a certain meme before trying to sleep tonight, and set about reading the newest chapter of a fic I've been half-following. It's a bit dark and depressing, and deals with some serious illness, but I figured I'd be fine. I've never been triggered by a fic before, you see. I can handle dark fiction just fine. But then... but then, the storyline that had previously been about an HIV scare suddenly became about a cancer scare. Specifically, about a late stage lymphoma scare. And now I'm just panicking blindly, on the verge of tears, feeling so goddamn stupid for leading myself into this. I knew the symptoms mentioned in earlier chapters would fit that, but I just kind of figured I was reading too much into it, connecting things back to my personal traumas as people are prone to do. Augh. I should've known.

Edit to add: I think I'm extra sensitive because of SYTYCD tonight. They had a Pas de Deux, and I started thinking about how much I loved Will and Katee's Pas de Deux last season, and I remembered that I had to watch it online because shortly before it came on, Jaime accidentally pulled out a clump of his hair. I was shaving his head while the number aired. This just has not been my night, I guess.

I should know better, I really should.

I decided to check out a certain meme before trying to sleep tonight, and set about reading the newest chapter of a fic I've been half-following. It's a bit dark and depressing, and deals with some serious illness, but I figured I'd be fine. I've never been triggered by a fic before, you see. I can handle dark fiction just fine. But then... but then, the storyline that had previously been about an HIV scare suddenly became about a cancer scare. Specifically, about a late stage lymphoma scare. And now I'm just panicking blindly, on the verge of tears, feeling so goddamn stupid for leading myself into this. I knew the symptoms mentioned in earlier chapters would fit that, but I just kind of figured I was reading too much into it, connecting things back to my personal traumas as people are prone to do. Augh. I should've known.

Edit to add: I think I'm extra sensitive because of SYTYCD tonight. They had a Pas de Deux, and I started thinking about how much I loved Will and Katee's Pas de Deux last season, and I remembered that I had to watch it online because shortly before it came on, Jaime accidentally pulled out a clump of his hair. I was shaving his head while the number aired. This just has not been my night, I guess.