inquiry and bloodlust

Oh. My god. It has been too long, my friends. Allow me to explain:

- My great uncle died. He was the closest thing my mom had to a father, and though we knew it was coming, it still hurt. What made it even worse is that a bunch of "family" (i.e. bio-related and/or marriage-related, but jackasses I am not fond of) crawled out of the woodwork to steal, literally steal, his belongings. And I'm 99% sure one of them had a hand in his actual death. And some of them are ex-cons with past violent convictions. It's a big fucking mess. At least it's settling down now.

- The Japan trip is off. We'd kind of gotten to the point where we didn't think it was feasible for us both to go, but Jaime at least was going to bring me back a souvenir. Then the nuclear thing happened. What with Jaime being a cancer survivor and all, we got nervous about him going, especially since he gets a bunch of radiation from his check-up scans every few months. Long story short, he e-mailed, his advisor understood, and said advisor will present Jaime's paper for the conference so Jaime doesn't have to go. Whee!

- Being a TA sucks. The time. Yargh.

- Minor mental meltdown as a result of lab stresses. My advisor is the type to motivate with stress and doesn't seem to believe in positive reinforcement. Add that onto anxiety, depression, and a touch of Imposter Syndrome, and sometimes I just hit critical.

+ Second pup! We adopted Opal, a 1 year old hound mix, and she is soooo sweet and cute. ( Observe! )

( BONUS - the reptile corner! )

( BONUS BONUS - seen in a parking garage! )

Do you know how difficult it is to focus on work when you know in three days you'll be in Tampa so your boyfriend can get scans to make sure he's still in remission?

Back to attempted paper reading...

Jaime's PET scan came back clean! :D "No evident signs of cancer at this time," they say. For my part, I say, "FUCK YEEEEEAH!"

And then there's this:

Demand it, folks! We needs some celebratory Boosh!

So say there's this guy, J. J lives in the United States of America. At age 23, J was diagnosed with cancer. At the time that J was being treated, he was between undergrad and graduate school and unemployed, and thus had limited health insurance and no personal income. Thankfully, his insurance did cover his chemo and medications given while hospitalized, though the medications to supplement his treatment at home and to replace his practically non-existent immune system were not. The two cancer centers at which he received 90% of his care were very understanding - they gave him assistance due to his financial constraints as much as possible, and for all the rest, allowed him to pay in bits and not make a big fuss about it. He also required services from other facilities - blood transfusions from two different hospitals, depending on which had blood available when it was necessary, imaging centers, lab work, emergency care at one point when chemo side effects led to stroke symptoms and eventually a seizure. Most of these services were not touched by J's insurance. Fortunately, all but one of the facilities have lent some sort of understanding and been willing to work on cutting bills and setting up payment plans. Unfortunately, the one that would not has put J $15,000 in debt and has already sent him to collection. J is 24 years old, unemployed, and about to become a graduate student, and his credit report is scarred. He's planning to file for bankruptcy.

J tried other methods. He's applied for assistance from every facility, and the one that has sent him to collection three times claimed they didn't receive his form and finally rejected him due to the fact that he is insured, despite his insurance not offering any coverage for those specific services. He also applied for disability, as his chemo regimen left him available for safe contact with the outside world only one week of every four, and even then, he was tired and weak. The government rejected him, as the duration of his illness was apparently too short for him to qualify. He could attempt to pay his debt once he has an income, but his graduate fellowship, after taxes, leaves him with $17,000 per year. His debt is only $2,000 less than his annual net income. Mind, this is only the debt that's been sent to collection - his mother is struggling to pay the bills that have not yet gone to collection to prevent further damage to his credit, and these are not piddling. For example, one lab (not the only one to provide services during his treatment) sent an initial bill of $9,000. They've since cut it down to $3,000 and are willing to work out a payment plan, but this is still far from an ideal situation. This is still massive amounts of money that, were it not for his mother, J would have absolutely no hope of paying.

Allow me to reiterate the circumstances that led to this financial dilemma - J had cancer. Specifically, J had a type of lymphoma so aggressive that it has been known to double in size over 24 hours. J was stage IV at diagnosis. There was no waiting for treatment. There was no chance to figure out how he'd be able to afford it. There was only the immediate decision to fight for his life, because his life was in imminent danger, and all the rest be damned. And now that he's in remission, now that he's attempting to get back in school and start a life like every person his age should have the opportunity to do, he's faced with filing bankruptcy before he moves into his very first apartment.

This is how the United States health system works. This is how this country's people are treated when they are in need.

This is not how things should be.

Woke up at 7:30am (after going to bed at 4:30am because sleep and I have a dysfunctional relationship) so Jaime and I could get to Moffitt before 10:30. We were making really good time, too, like half an hour ahead, but then we hit traffic that ended up making us fifteen minutes late. Turned out there had been a horrible wreck - it broke my heart a little bit. A large truck, one that Jaime said looked like the type used for fruit transportation, was lodged deep in a ditch by the side of the road. The cabin was practically non-existent. I don't think there's any way the driver made it out of that alive. The odd feeling that settled in my stomach at that kind of stuck around the rest of the way to Moffitt. I let go of it eventually, though; I've had plenty of memento mori moments in the past year. Just another one to file away.

Moffitt was astoundingly boring. We were there for a follow-up with the neurology clinic after all of Jaime's January drama. The day started off with an MRI, during which I called my mom and jabbered for an hour. That was nice. I tend to avoid socializing a fair amount, but every once in a while, I get reminded of how pleasant it can be. Anyway, after that we went to the neurology clinic, where we sat for over an hour in the waiting room. I'm not kidding, not exaggerating even a hair. We got to Moffitt for an MRI and what should've been a quick appointment at 10:45am, and we didn't get to leave until 2:15pm. Fucking ridiculous. I forgave them pretty quickly, though. Jaime's MRI came back beautiful. No further appointments necessary. The only ties he has left to this are the scans he has to get every few months. Other than that? Free.

It was in good spirits (and with empty stomachs) that we went to International Plaza after that. That's one of the coolest malls I've ever been in. Got food, wandered around - saw a kind of amazing store packed full of accessories called GLAM that I will ransack once I have an income - would've gotten something done at Sephora if I hadn't been getting tired and Jaime flagging even more, and bounded with my last burst of energy like a giddy child into Lush. My goal? See the mythical Goth Juice, of course! I was even giddy enough to play along and try out their salt and sugar scrub demos. They have a deal going right now where you can put together a little box of hair product samples for $15, and Jaime was kind enough to not only get me that, but also a little hemisphere of solid sugar scrub. So! Now I have a tiny jar of Goth Juice to try out and cuddle and watch Boosh with. Victory!

Speaking of Boosh, I was flitting about YouTube (watching some amazing clips like this one) and got inspired to look for Nathan Barley again. It took me all of five minutes to find the whole series. I'm not sure how I fucked up my searching so bad last time. I found AD/BC as well, which I'm psyched about. Matt Berry and Richard Ayoade musical with Julian Barratt and a tiny bit of Noel Fielding - how can you go wrong?!

Aaaaanyway. After that whole day, we came home and crashed. I woke up just after 11pm. I freaking slept through SYTYCD and The Fashion Show. So, I watched Top Gear until the repeat of TFS came on, then found SYTYCD clips online to catch up. ( And oh my gosh, was there a lot to catch up on. )

As far as TFS goes, I don't feel like cutting for two sentences, so I'll just say this without spoilers: My favorite made the final four. I know where my vote's going. :D

So since I napped for a couple hours, I couldn't sleep. :\ Hence, this entry! And now, with Placebo in my headphones and my Lush goodies waiting for me to play with them in the morning, I think I might be able to catch a few more hours. Ought to at least try, I suppose.

A few people have asked me how Jaime's surgery went, so I figured I'd put it up here in case anyone else was curious, but not enough to contact me - it went perfectly. :) He's doing really, really well. So well, in fact... ( Cut for a photo. :D )

P.S. Happy birthday, America! We may have our spats now and again, but you know I do love you, baby. Party? Party.

I decided to check out a certain meme before trying to sleep tonight, and set about reading the newest chapter of a fic I've been half-following. It's a bit dark and depressing, and deals with some serious illness, but I figured I'd be fine. I've never been triggered by a fic before, you see. I can handle dark fiction just fine. But then... but then, the storyline that had previously been about an HIV scare suddenly became about a cancer scare. Specifically, about a late stage lymphoma scare. And now I'm just panicking blindly, on the verge of tears, feeling so goddamn stupid for leading myself into this. I knew the symptoms mentioned in earlier chapters would fit that, but I just kind of figured I was reading too much into it, connecting things back to my personal traumas as people are prone to do. Augh. I should've known.

Edit to add: I think I'm extra sensitive because of SYTYCD tonight. They had a Pas de Deux, and I started thinking about how much I loved Will and Katee's Pas de Deux last season, and I remembered that I had to watch it online because shortly before it came on, Jaime accidentally pulled out a clump of his hair. I was shaving his head while the number aired. This just has not been my night, I guess.

The results of Jaime's PET scan last week are in. Everything's within normal limits.

Oh my god. Oh my god. My heart is pounding and I can't stop smiling. Oh my god.